Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize