I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
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