She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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