drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
