i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
