I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
