Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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