Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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