Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
