Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
