My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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