i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
