So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
