I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My vagina just recognized that song.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
