the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
