He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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