I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
