i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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