Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
