Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize