it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
