The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
