dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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