I could have mohawked her pubes.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
