Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
