I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
