My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
