when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
