you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize