I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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