My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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