Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
