Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
