nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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