apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
