It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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