So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
