I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
