If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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