Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
