he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to make out with him forever
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
