If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize