I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
