when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
