Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
