my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
