Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
