Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Terrible idea I love it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
