at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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