Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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