ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
