I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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