hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i will never coherently bang her
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
