i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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