he thought i was a dude.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
