I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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