I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
