I think my fart just growled at me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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