You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
