I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
